26APR04 // 1645

shut up

im not happy

iv felt for a time the 'depressive' mood coming in, but i kept thinkin about lauren n id be happy agin

and today, im trying to drive and i keep almost hitting stuff .. cant concentrate

well, i end up pickin dwiz n david up, going to get lauren another present, and chillin at her home waiting fer her return

she got there, we spend a lil time together

but she has a busy day n hasta leave

lameness

i drop diwz n david off at david, theyre gonna go do stuff

im home, gonna pick mom up n sleep n stuff

mom needs to be picked up at 1800 cuz she dropped the car off at some auto-place??

i dunno, my brain hates me

im afraid of how much im starting to like her, i dont want things to end bad; but of course, the more i care about what will happen, the more likely its gonna come to a bad ending

then theres the "im about to leave" anxiety ... not good, i keep wanting to call, for no reason other than to be in contact with her .. and i wanna go see her, track n intercept her other plans ... stupid stupid ideas, but they still come

i dont like this

i dont like wanting or needing another person

i almost wanna call her and tell her it thru, just so it doesnt come harder later ....

im so awful, why cant i get things right? why cant the right answers just come naturally?? i mean, i kno what i havta do - and i know what all my options all ... but whats the best ??

so of course, im'a trail off, go and feel sorry for myself; forget about this and type another boring 'this is what i did today' entrie

-0ut

::Dismantle }{ Recycle::

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