2010-02-16 // 1:58 a.m.

If you start to read this, just stop yourself right now. Look up ^^ is it 2012 yet? No? then fuck off, this isnt old enough for you to ignore.

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Anyways.

So, the cycle has kicked up once again. Does this mean im losing it for good?
All my crazies are starting to float back in...
I know what AA would say... theyd be all like "see, we were right all along!" and id have to sit thru endless meetings, so bored my guts hurt and i get ulcer-feelings... if i stuck for a month or two id be back to reciting the goddamned book from memory, still bored... then the drama and politics would come into play... get me some dumbass sponsor again, who has a 99% chance of being intellectually inferior to me.
Oh but wait, this is all ego talking right? Because im supposed to completely shed my self esteem and personal goals and become some kind of goddamned AA automaton. *sigh*
So then theres church, which pretty much seems like AA, but with a longer, lamer, and more disturbing book... not to mention the whole "obvious lies are obvious" thing...
anyways
My main discontent seems to flow from the typical "I have no control" thing. Although I am becoming less and less 'ok' with having zero control. Thats the issue.
I dont even want control, just general boons every now and then would be nice... instead I have this dreadful daily grind with no fucking end in sight every single day until I die.
Oh. Oh. You hear that... I solution hiding in the midst of my problem :D? Yes, you see it now too dont you.
Die.
Quick Escape.
Release.
Its so obvious now. The dog missed that artery by almost nothing... really, I should have bled out.
But i didnt.
Why?
To fulfill some kind of divine purpose? Ok, lead the way... make this shit real obvious cuz right now i think im missing the fucking point here just a little...
meh.

Oh, and dont go calling around seeing if im still alive or anything.
I am.
Im just a big stupid coward.
Plus no one would finish Sacrifice(Serious RPG) or if they did theyd steal it. Fuck them. Ima finish that shit just to spite the universe :P lol

oh yeah, i havnt even gone into detail yet! wonderful! hopefully iv lost enough of you to where this wont be an issue

Its laura again.
after some very disturbing quantities of illegal substances shes all skin n bones and trying to say she wants a better life and will join the military.
Ok what? my common sense isnt this retarded... I still bought that line, so I guess it is.
She staying with some skeezy stoner dudes *omg, am i repeating myself for the 8th year in a row* and yeah
i give up
you know the rest
insert heartache here blah blah emo blah
i know better
i fucking know better
yet
im still gonna give her a chance
again

im sick of this

oh, and all you other girls who prolly should be mentioned... fuck you. actually fucking call me, hang out, play sacrifice, and have sex with me. and sick of wasting so much time, effort, and money into hopeless causes...

::Dismantle }{ Recycle::

Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
The first one to admit this loses... - 2010-02-16
new type of rant? huh? - 2008-01-04
I really hope no body reads this stuff anymore... this would be a crying shame ~! - 2007-03-20
...In years to come it might make sense; Sweetness, Did You Foresee This **? - 2007-03-10