2007-01-28 // 11:46 a.m.

So here comes the curve-ball~
Actually two of them. The first was when I was shown possible orders to Naples, Italy. I'm pretty sure im not trying for them, but it was scary nonetheless... cuz i mean, Italy!!!! But I think im gonna go there as a vacation and stuff and maybe again for work/career, but not by the Navy. This place sucks.

Secondly, Laura emails me the other day. Totally throws my plan for the future into the wind ... I'm back to the "i dont know what to do" ... I'm torn between possibly ruining anna's life, or getting ruined by Laura.. There are so many bad outcomes on both sides *more on Laura's* but at the same time it could be so perfect *again, Laura's is 5 years in the making* ...
It's hard, i got good and bad overwhelming on both sides.. theres no safe play *never is really* no obvious solution... I was looking forward to showing anna around to all my friends and stuff... but at the same time, what happens when she wants something more, when she realizes im way lame... But how do i know Laura wont get flighty on me, she was with imposter johnnie for like three years!?! they have a son even...

But the good, anna emails daily on deployment.. i might get two more from laura before we pull in .... laura could be that dream come true.. anna could full that void, laura might do even more than that..

i dont know

I really dont know..

Again, where's my giant green arrow? Where is my hint box??

And theres that stupid pin eating all my time and brain energy... sucks... I'd prolly be able to figure this out...

I dont know if i mentioned this, but my new years resolution... (i seem to have good luck with these) 'To stick with one girl, try to love again' .....I guess this is the first (or last?) test of my resolve on the issue...

But what if im wrong? I'll most likely end up hurting one of them in the process.. id rather not do that.. Or worse, what if i wanna change my mind????

Thats the scariest thought of them all. ... What if I'm not happy with my choice? That would suck twice over... I don't even know how I would handle that...

oh, and the issue from last entry is gone. Eww. What the fuck was I thinking? I just needed to work out more, everything is fine now. *eww, still*

And I still think about Jill. I suppose I wont ever stop... Not like anything is possible now.. And most of the time I realize i'd break up with her anyways, maybe even sooner :P I dunno... Maybe theres one or two more lessons to learn from her though.. I'd ask her but alas, she has little to nothing to do with this dirty old pirate *Yar~* Sometimes I think on jess too... but shes better off without me, and im the same.. Its hard to explain, but were just a touch too much alike in some ways and a bit to far apart in others... But it would prolly be pretty fun. *lol* and I like fun.

ramblings

oh, you know what? Email me on what i should do *lol* like anyone actually reads this garbage.

I think im done ranting though.. for now...

maybe if laura emails me withint he next month i might have more to type??

::Dismantle }{ Recycle::

Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
The first one to admit this loses... - 2010-02-16
new type of rant? huh? - 2008-01-04
I really hope no body reads this stuff anymore... this would be a crying shame ~! - 2007-03-20
...In years to come it might make sense; Sweetness, Did You Foresee This **? - 2007-03-10