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}{ Another innocent boy just made her list (Inverse?) }{

2006-12-29 // 2:00 p.m.





So here we go again...
In case you havnt heard *since i dont update here unless something goes wrong* Im on a deployment. It sucks. But thats not quite why im here... its kinda a part though..

Ok, you may have heard about Anna, and click back if you want back-story on Laura... The chioce between them has pretty much been won by default... Because the other hasnt emailed me in a month :P Thats ok, because its better that we stay friends, i think thats why destiny always gets in between us whenever we go for more.
However->
Had an odd week..
So one of the girls (trying to refrain from any of the worse term I could use.. some of them barely qualify and that gender) hangs out with me and my sup alot. No big deal. I hang out with her usually once a port too.. Nothing special there either. This port, we ended up pretty drunk... not good. From what I remember, nothing too bad happened.. I played with her hair (ok, im notorious for that move though, like, since middle school) so whatever, thats not thr troubling part... Its that not too long after that the memory stops, then resumes very poorly the next day... Im running late for an inspection i shouldnt have been invloved in *a bitch-session for another forum*
Black Out's are bad. The rumor-mill says that alot worse happened alot later. Nothing solid though, and im not in trouble (yet) ... so i dunno.. im content to think that nothing else happened.. Odlly, theres at least a few more hours of my movements reported here and there, i was active ... I went up to the shop, then down to berthing after we got back.. singing during the bus ride.. *lol, cant help it* so again, i dunno...

It gets odder.

I end up hanging out with her again the next night.. not by design, but still, it was prolly preventable. Sober, but the conversation topics we..
anyways
my point->
I'm not sure what my next course of action should be. Or, better yet, I know what I SHOULD do, but will I take my own advice? Prolly not, 4 months is a long time... Once im pierside San Diego, none of this matters, none of this happened... it just a dilemma of 'till then' ...
...
Ok, the more i think about this, the more I dont think i want to continue down this path... because shes the same one who was involved in a very similar situation the begining of deployment when half the division got in trouble (her not included) ... errr... maybe i dont want that on my rap sheet ... well, thats if i duck under the wire on this one..

Of course, if i was safe, i miss that feeling of having someone nearby.. the sentimental part of the equation is whats jacking my head up... if it was just beatin guts i could wait.. *lol* Or at least wait till i got down in my rack :P :P :P

I feel guilty though, cuz despite how much I dont want her to, im pretty sure Anna is waiting for me.. I dont want to hurt her.. but im scared that I will ... (for instance, if I backtrack and Laura becomes an issue again) I dunno.. this is alot...

Conclusion->
Deployments suck, im getting out soon, for good. My life will be mine again.
Fuck yo' couch!

::Dismantle }{ Recycle::

Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
The first one to admit this loses... - 2010-02-16
new type of rant? huh? - 2008-01-04
I really hope no body reads this stuff anymore... this would be a crying shame ~! - 2007-03-20
...In years to come it might make sense; Sweetness, Did You Foresee This **? - 2007-03-10