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}{ ANother Innocent Girl, Just Made His List...... }{

2006-05-01 // 11:21 p.m.





Grr

Im posting here cuz Id rather not share this with myspace :)

Jessicas fine, God hooked me up ;) I think I mentioned that. Here lemme just look at my last post.

Ok, onboard girls suck. As always.

The others have stayed off the map.

And I keep meeting other girls here... they never really like me...

But what brought me back here was...

Melissa.

She.. I cant explain. We met on myspace like a few days ago.. and I cant get her out of my head. Love at first click? I dunno.. but Im terrified because this prolly mean im gonna hit rockbottom faster and harded than in recent days. Im anxious, ansty.. I almost was done with smoking, now I smoke more.. . Im hyper on the insides for no real reason. I wanna stay home and talk to her all day... I wanna just drive home and see her...
Im scared. What happens when she meets this dirty ol' pirate fer reals? Will she still keep me awake at night talking... or .. stuff...
, Or will she run away..

*sigh*

I drew again... The best thing iv ever drawn... well since the last 'best thing iv ever drawn' but I really like this...
That silver string pulling at my heart I mention from time to time... no, this one is wrapped around me squeezing... every heartbeat feels like its hers... I want it to be...

Why? See WTF is going on in my head? Its not supposed to be like this... the first one to admit to this loses remember? Im sick of losing, sick of losing people I care about... I had a good solution, I just wont care about anyone like that anymore.. but she tore that all away...
It took hours, days... not even a fucking week.

I dunno... maybe im asking for it.. maybe im jumping on the first pretty girl because im even more scared of another deployment? no.. im not really that worried... but then again, the breakdowns before the last one say otherwise? ? ?

Grr

I'll put it this way... Those myspace bulletins about "if he says/does blah blhah means he loves you" I'd lose. As per the above stated rules, I'd lose. Quickly.

So ->

Im teetering between manic and depressive... i feel bad for all this, i dont deserve someone so perfect... but i wanna explode with affection, give her everything i have to offer... so her the world ...

grr...

so ill click done and talk to her till I get tired. Then call her at work. Then chat online till I call her till I get sleepy... 18 more days till I go to Sac... need to fix my car STILL cuz im lazy.

Grr.

-0ut

::Dismantle }{ Recycle::

Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
The first one to admit this loses... - 2010-02-16
new type of rant? huh? - 2008-01-04
I really hope no body reads this stuff anymore... this would be a crying shame ~! - 2007-03-20
...In years to come it might make sense; Sweetness, Did You Foresee This **? - 2007-03-10