2005-01-16 // 1:49 a.m.

[email protected]
email me.

I managed to get online.
my routine is w34k. 0635 awake, fer quarters, cleaning, work, asleep after lunch, awake at 1735 fer watch, asllep by 0030. my technically getting enough sleep. tell my tired sick body that. had an asiantic cold, it kicked my ass, still is a lil, im winning tho, military grade decongestants. i havta drink at 12 oz of water with it, plus more after i dry out. crazy shiot. and i got the smallpox vaccine. im totally down wit the sickness *lol*
and this damn relief work, we havta use extra high doses of the water cleaning agent, which also makes everything taste horrible *since everything has water in it* and my white t-shirts come out the wash robins-egg-blue.
thats my complaining. its very odd to not have rants for so long. i dont write anymore, not even on the laptop. no drama. no sadness. no girls.
the hilight of my life is the fragile thread of the LAN line to the outside. every email i smile, every package i get giddy. *lol* im feeling poetic tho, trying my best to stifle it. was listening to slipknot alot, but have shifted to silverchair *????* in singapore i got 3 CDs fer 28$ in singapore cash, which is only like 20 real dollars. diorama, neon ballroom, and mutter. oh yeah, fer those of you who dont know, i was in singapore. i did not get caned. i did drink alot.
its cold, im tired, trying to go quickly
email me tho, now, imediately.
me n my MP3 player are in love.
i feel weird not-having i pity-me girls-hate-me rant.... i guess ill make one up
amanda fell off the face of the earth, or at least, hasnt replyed in awhile. jess magaged to email me a bunch, telling me she'll really email me later.
...
that was w34k
jill went to china supposedly, but her contact info was bogus. i hate her so bad, simply because i cant stop loving her. this is my rant i guess. i think about her every day, still. but shes awful, truly awful. she prolly was from day one, and i was too into my own gains *;)* to realize it. and here i am, more than 5 years later, whining about it. goddamnit i hate me. i suppose this is the main bulk of the emotional trauma i have. i mean, its all based on that whole 'abandonment issue' dealing with that period of being passed around among relatives and not ever having my real mommy *rolls eyes* and that both my parents managed to reshape their lives for heir new families but not for me? i was first, aren't i more-entitled?? but whatever. that stuff doesnt come up in my daily thoughts. the look in Jill's eyes when she loved me, that does. knowing i will -NEVER- see that again, or feel as warm n content inside as i did then... thats what irks me now. heh. pathetic i know. and im sure theres those among you who think "oh, you'll find someone better, you'll like her more, blah blah blah..." yes/no. im sure that theres someone better suited to me, maybe even prettier and smarter too... however, im far too distrustful inside to fall for it again. ignorance is bliss.
to quote jess' diary "boys main, but I kill" true-dat
its 2am here. prolly about 10 or 11 am yesterday back home.
um
oh yeah, looking into getting into the Naval Academy, or getting commision thru the Seaman-to-Admiral program. i like the navy, i dont like sweeping water off the deck every morning.
The ocean is beautiful. if i was as smart as jess i could type all sorts of beautiful phrases about about beautiful it is. if i had a camera i could take pictures. if i gave a damn what you thought, id have closed this a long time ago. so there.
my fingers are cold, im going.
im happy tho, despite my rant... i just get entirely too much time to think about shit out here.
-0ut

::Dismantle }{ Recycle::

Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
The first one to admit this loses... - 2010-02-16
new type of rant? huh? - 2008-01-04
I really hope no body reads this stuff anymore... this would be a crying shame ~! - 2007-03-20
...In years to come it might make sense; Sweetness, Did You Foresee This **? - 2007-03-10