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}{ ... This Place Never Plays My Song ~? }{

2004-11-22 // 12:15 p.m.

my xbox emulators didnt work... i cant just play it out of my DVD drive.. fuckin w34k
call me. please? i want attention.
i hate it when i get poetic ...

hold on to your skivvies, iv got a rant
...

but weve all heard this trash before.
how does it happen? i can spend weeks, months, trying to be ultra-coolies fer girls, trying so hard, trying my best not-to try, anything, everything. .... and to get nothing. if not worse.
and now
iv leaving fer a 6month deployment. any girl i meet now i cant date simply because i wont be around to do so.
and they all suddenly jump into the scene.
I hate my life.
what does that mean tho?? this is where the rant gets interesting
well, i was thinking ... the only girl who i truly think was my destiny, who i then fucked up the entire deal and prolly ruined my life... honestly, that was the point in the game where im so pissed off at me that i press 'RESET' and get somethin to eat *lol* only for some stupid reason i was too scared or too loved or somethin.... i guess i forgot to save, cant lose all this progress now..
-anyways-
she liked me even when i was creepy... and i was worse than i ever was, like my creepyness weirdo peak... so
maybe thats i sign? like, im supposed to be a creepy weirdo, and the girl who is supposed to be 'the one' will survive me wheather or not im creepy ...
so fuck you. all. :P im awful.
oh, and by the way, i did update, but the fucker deleted my entry. stupid thing... pissed me off.
friday i wasted my life, duh
saturday i did laundry, and while at lestats *free wireless intronet** guess who calls? GEORGIE!!!
so we hung out :D
but
i made the mistake of calling dawn
and the mistake of going over there
only to then make the mistake of getting smashed and playing that kareoke game.. a new edition just came out, we had to try it.
but the game got unfun after this gay dude came over and starting beating everyone, at even girl-songs!! ((which was my niche' so to speak. fuckin goddamn buttfuckin sonofabitch))
anyways
so then other stuff happened.. bad things
i called karey. she doesnt wanna talk about it. i cut me. never a good plan... and i guess some quarters fell out of my pocket and soemone yell "hey get his money!!" ... well in my drunken lil world i was being mugged, so i pulled my lil knife on williams.. i feel shitty about that... somehow they talked me out of it tho, made i fell? either way he jacked my lil knife :( shitty
and
i pass out somewhere.... .... i woke up feeling very sick
being drunk + sick isnt a good idea, i felt like total trash for most of yesterday
bought 12 hrs of internet fer 20$ and CLUBLAN, neato complete`o .... played battlefield 1942. its a basic first-person shooter.. but there a strategy element to it.. i enjoy playing. i also bought my fav'est xbox game, JetSetRadioFuture for $5. total sweetness :D
and i slept
today i woke up sick.. real bad. green somes in so many shades :P grossness ... but im better now. fresh sandiego bay air, lots of water :D im still young
.....
i wanna be creative again
i wish i didnt suck so bad at life. i dont kno what it is these days, depression with a smile on its face. i feel fine, but my motivation is gone. every fuckin drop. its like sitting in a dark room pressing a the same button whenever it flashes. no point, no justication, just keep pressing. wake up, eat, waste life, sleep. i guess its better than some of my other moods, like the creepy one where i wake up every morning thinking of some girl who doesnt like me back, striving all day to make her happy in some way, just to have insomnia worrying over her....

~ I sleep well these days ~


so yea, i wanna go out and make somethin of importance, somethin so fuckin meat everyone will see it and be all "whoa, that is neat"
but i dont even kno where to start. i mean, if i knew to make music, id bust out my ejays and work on it.. or if it was a drawing, i go get my pens n shit ...
i just dont know ~?

trm i start driving
texas is far away, like somethin crazy, thousand miles or somethin? then im coming back right after. all to stay a Tx resident, and to see my coolies lil sister. i dont kno why i feel such a loyalty to her. none of my other siblings, just her. i can relate to ricky, and he's down wit the clown n such, id totally hook up up in any way i could... but jessica, if somebody said "jump in this trash compacter and she'll have everything she ever needs, she'..... . " id have already been in there finding myself a nice seat.
so yeah, looking forward tot his weekend at home too. Jill actually suggested we see each other. O.O! the world is ending, hell froze over, and ATC's all over the country are working overtime cuz the radars keep picking up hundred-count flocks of pig-like objects... and then a girl i knew from dayse ago came online, prolly gonna get to hang out too.. wtf is wrong with my life? this will be my last stop in sac-town fer ages, and all this cool stuff is happening?? i cant capitalize on a damned bit of it. fuckin w34k.
of course, this is the way it is supposed to be :D because this way ill be calm, confident, etc... no worries?

so

im gonna go.

oh, and dont do coke, its bad for you.
-0ut

::Dismantle }{ Recycle::

Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
The first one to admit this loses... - 2010-02-16
new type of rant? huh? - 2008-01-04
I really hope no body reads this stuff anymore... this would be a crying shame ~! - 2007-03-20
...In years to come it might make sense; Sweetness, Did You Foresee This **? - 2007-03-10