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| }{ then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunel, is jus a freight train coming your way.... }{ |
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2003-05-25 // 9:30'ish
My stupid mom wants the phone... i hate her. but today, well, dwight asked me to make it a good entry if i hung out with Laura, so first chronology, then..... woke up at, like 12 or 2 or something, got ready, dwight came over, we to priceless, and his house, swung by kiels, but jill wasnt there so he didnt stop.. went to his house, watched some of Exorcist 2, followed by the beginning of Exorcist 3, dwights dad offers to pay for pie, german chocolate pie, we all get hungry, so me n dwight goto Marie Callendar's and got a German Chocolate pie. the chick working was hot, but she didnt seem at all impressed with me :(.. whatever so we eat the pie, watch the middle of Exorcist 3, then dwight wants to go somewhere? and laura calls.. so i go home, then shortly after Laura shows up and we go places... first to the mall, but it closed, then international imports, but its closed, then the dollar tree store, look at stuff, then Tower, laura bought this lil book... and by this time Laura has talked me into buying her porn *horny'ness is contagious, damnit* so we go to Suzie's, i look around and do some price shopping, come back and tell her prices.. but she apparently doesnt like the high prices, so we jus leave, she drops me off... and now im typing an entry :) so now to type about my complicated and odd feeling for laura. to begin, i dont like this emotion. -> its not simple enough... ill start with the good, i think.... ever since we started spending time together, back n December, i had this feeling she was gonna be cool, and yet very troublesome. and so the more time weve spent, the better i understand her, and the more i kno her potencial to be very fun. Whenever i hang out with her, and theres nothing clouding her thinking *like kiel, or some other complaint* shes prolly one'a the best people i could pick to spend time with. She can be sweet and loving and very adorable. and for all this, and all the time iv sent with her... I think i could very well had fallen in love with her... and the instant i think of that, my brain says, "Whoa, wait a sec.. what about ....." and this is where the negativity comes in. she can be rude, she uses people regularly, there can always be someone else at fault for stuff she does, she bitches like no other *altho sometimes that makes me like her more*, shes crazy *but i can relate to that too, and its kinda fun* .. *sometimes* , and, worst of all, shes slutty. im not sure how many people shes bein with exactly, but id guess at least 4 or 5, within these past 6 months. not only that, but shes asked i kno more than that... she asked both me n dwight one after the other. Eww. and this is the worst thing she could have done. shes says blame kiel... of course, you can retract old habits jus as easy as they were made... i used to be equal, of not worse than kiel... like, near the end, anytime i was within 5 ft of jill id be doing -something- to/with her, and we were together usually 8-12 hours a day... but i had the will to stop myself from -needing- that kind of attention ....altho till just recently could i actually not-attack jill whenever we were close, and thats only because i was realizing she was an awful person, who lied too much, and was prolly slutty too *lauras excuse directly relates to jill, think about it* , and personally, i wish i could hav her back...... but in reality, i wouldnt want her. so to get back to laura, she could hav not-done the things she has... and she could easily stop now. so any excuse that she gives jus makes her case woose... and then to top off the whole damned thing... I promised myself, and everyone else I wouldnt have sex with Laura. ...and i implyed in that promise that i wouldnt do -anything- of the sort with her. Now, it takes alot to make me break promises to myself... and she hasnt done alot to try and make me. so the conclusion i think i hav made is that im not gonna go for her, im not gonna like her, no matter how hard id like to... but then, should i include the "unless she reforms and turns into something i want"???? ..... thats is the hardest part... i mean, its easy to recount past events and emotions, but to deal with future possibly is kinda scary even... ... I honestly dont know what to do. oh, and one more thing... shes cheated on two bf's now for me.... ... which makes me think, what would stop her from doing that to me? send feedback... im gonna sleep... -0ut
Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
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