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}{ ph34r the p0waa of the darkside.... }{ |
2003-05-21 // 2:04 a.m.
ok, this is the part where i rant on a recent realization.. i truly am an awful person :) but heres why: i was thinking about Inu Yasha, cuz i had jus watched it before deciding to sleep... it was a fun thought, not the point.. but it lead to thinking about Lauren, whos richie self has access to all the episodes. well, thinking about her, i thought about how i feel about her. how i so enjoy talking to her, and so enjoy tearing into her and knowing iv hurt her. and if that wasnt bad enough, i realized this desire -IS- the same emotion. this desire to see her only to hurt her.. like some emotional sadism. now .. heres the fun part.... I loved jill. yeah, lauren and jill are very comparible feelings-wise... same exact emotion, different amounts... i only liked Lauren... but jill... yeah, i loved hurting her too... Loved. so im pretty sure im a horrible person for it. my only defense is that from the beginning Jill was out to hurt me... and Lauren i think was too, altho maby not from the beginning, but she did want to hurt me, it was an intent. so this kind of satisfaction through retrobution ... incorporated into this singular -emotion- toward someone... its a scary concept... but i cant think of who else i felt this about... ok, i can... Lacey. ... wow... im pretty deranged. i would say laura too, but hers is more apathy... like, i dont enjoy anything about her really... hurting her is a waste of time, not something i look forward to... its odd, cuz i also like people and want to help and have all sorts of happiness to see them smile n stuff.... i guess a few people just managed to get in touch with my dark side or something... this whole idea is kinda scare'ing me even... so im gonna stop. the basic message i can think.. dont piss me off, dont try to hurt me... or i get evil and come after you... speaking of which.. some bizarre text-messages coming from kiel? his horde of darkness i think it planning to try and come after me... which then leads me to my more recent thought... Demons... they are making their way into my view on the world... Demons n Zombies.. *lol* great but pokies im'a gonna ph34r! -0ut
Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
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