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| }{ the girlfriends rant ~ today was boring and w34k }{ |
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2003-05-04 // 9:44 p.m. Stuff: Yeah, sometymes life is just weird... read the entry ! ok, *i notice that i often start with 'ok' and i dont kno why* today was... w34k, at best dwight shows up, we go to his home, avoid two calls from laura, get keck, go back to his home and watch Darkness Falls, and Harry Potter 2 .... both movie were bizarrely similiar.. or at least, as predictable *they thought i had seen both movies before.. i hadnt* then i came home. wow. but, there was alot of -thinky- going on... so i relaized that i havnt really had a 'ex-girlfriends' rant before.. of course, when i started the old diary, i had had one, Jill, and there was a rant.. but it was w34k, cuz i was holding back alot. so now theres this one as i said, first there was jill.. now because this diary is so new, youv prolly heard alot about her, so ill keep this short... we went out fer a year and 8 months. then we broke up, but still 'acted' like we were together for about 6 more... then she went out with CJ ...... we keep an on-and-off friendship fer hella dayze, and then she gets with this other fool, Dan.. she needed my help to do it tho.. i regret that, especially since the next part-> she suggest we get together, of course, i had my secong g/f, Jennifer, at the tyme... jennifer stops liking me cuz im being excessivly lame, because of jill, and so i go fer jill.. then jill changes her mind then, for about the past 8 months, iv either have hated her so bad i could cry.. or i love her so bad i could cry... well, with the exception of prolly 2 months. and in those 2 months, iv had three more g/f's ... first Christina, who dwight set me up with... and jus as i really start to like her *alot* she dumps me. yay... her diary is at http://south-reject.diaryland.com/ .. i made that template by the way :) ... so then, like, three days later, i get back from a wonderful trip to santa cruz, and Lauren, my next g/f IM's me... we talk fer, like, hours.. daily, end up together, see each other maby, 5 or 6 tymes total, and she dumps me... her diary she had stoppd calling, i got worried, then i calld. apparently she needed space, and she didnt get it. and when i told her i would back off.. well, i wasnt listening, she needs space. well, that went back n forth *i hav the conversation saved* and she dumped me. my readers, however, felt that it ended with her at fault. i did too.. but thats not the point. then there was Leslie... who i met cuz of Laura, ... i saw here maby 3 or 4 tymes, it barely lasted a week... she was 14, im 18.. and that make sher 'afraid' even tho she knows id never do anything.... .... ??? ... so whatever. that makes Five *5* ... ~*RECAP*~ Jill - my fault ~ 20 months Jennifer ~my *and jillz* fault ~ 1.5 months Christina ~ her fault ~ almost 2 weeks Lauren ~ our fault ~ about a week Leslie ~ her fault ~ barely a week a bad pattern for me.... now of course, this isnt mentioning the many many many girls who iv liked and i was so lame they didnt wanna even start to go out w/ me... *like ALyssa* ... and so they themselves would need a rant...... ... i jus signed myself up, huh? ok, well... um, where to start? constantly iv had crushes who hate me.. the earlyest i can remember is a girl named Cassy, who i liked in 4th grade. me and my friend both... only he was cooler, so she actually liked him then she moved, and so i liked this girl named Holly. she hated me, and thats pretty much how it stayed... then i switch mid-way in 5th grade to bridgette. and that lasted till 7th. countless sexual-harassment detentions. i never really did anything, it was like, shed say go away, and instead id follow her, or throw mud at her.. or some stupid thing that in the '50s would hav bein cute. no, not here in 8th.. well, bridgette moved or something... so i went fer three ppl... Sandy, who totally hated me, to the point of actively seeking to harm me.. Rachel, who actually liked me in 7th, but i was dumb, and i ran *she liked 'rock' and it scared me*, and Ashley, who was hella tall, like me, and was SO fine!! well, freshman year, it changes... cuz this tyme i kno how to not-get-in-trouble... they say go away, and i do!! holy shit what a concept?!?! so it broadened, alot... countless lil crushes that ended as quick as they start.. except of course Sara, who i tihnk might hav started to like me... but i fucked things up MAJORLY, and Ashley n Rachel, who i never had the balls to talk to... ever. Oh! and Kelly, who liked me a lil, and in return i gave her my lunch money.... and she bought drugs. yea, lotsa self-esteem came from that one! *sarcasm* ...in sophomore year *10th* there was jill. lotsa jill. and two girls named Lacey *yea, two* one was a junior, and hated me, the other was 3+ years younger, and used me. Yay! ... so lotsa jill and most of the way thru Junior year there was Jill... and i kinda liked Rachel n Ashley... cuz see, i was gaining what i now entitled "H4rDC0r3" which is basically the ability to perform, without any restrain by your preconceived limits... Neo had digital H4rDC0r3 in the matrix, if that makes sense... basically social boundaries were fading... Rachel had a class with me.. we talked often, and liked the same music *yea, rock, go figure*.. she actually asked for my number, and without thinking, i reminded her wed see each other next term. OMFG was that dumb. and Ashley, i would jus stare at her from across the hallway. and shed look.. and id smile... creepy, i kno, but more than i did in 8th grade? so then i break up with jill... bad move, but yet good. cuz now i had to learn to be a decent human being.... i never bother to do that... so im almost a senior, and my brain is still set for 6th-grade. senior year i manage to learn alot... i make lotsa frineds, end up knoing most of the ppl at mesa, i talk to Ashley a lil even.... and i get invited to go to a real grad-nite-party.. drinking and everything! i asked Ashley to prom... actually, she wouldnt let me TALK to her long enough to ask... then at grad nite *the school-one* she doesnt talk to me... then at the cool-party, i try, she doesnt really wanna talk.. i get a lil buzzed, spend my first offcial dot of H4rDC0r3 and walk up to her and start talking despite the football players that were gonna r0x me fer this... she says she doesnt like me, is moving away, and likes someone else. oh, diss.. so then i drink myself stupid. *first tyme too! w00t!* so thats the old-skoo... the new stuff is more, and less... so i talk to lacey and Sara agin... and i meet Emma and Gabby... all of them spend at least some point liking me, but i can fuck -anything- up :D ... then college starts... i like a few ppl, most start to like me, then i get creepy *like walking them to class unexpectedly* ... then i meet Jennifer. you kno how that ends *Jill* then this this awkward "i love jill, and want to date anything that moves" phase... thats where my liking of Layssa and Laura mostly come from... well, i noticed Alyssa back at mesa.. i knew she was dwight sister.. and because of it, i was too terrified to try anything :) so yeah now you know. my current thoughts... after Lauren, i decided that girls are BAD, very very Bad for my health. so i gave up.. then leslie kinda proved to me i -needed- to give up now theres a small following of people who actually like me... and if they tell me they like me 'like that' then someone might end up being number 6. Laura has bein saying that.. but she says alot of things that arent that.. she went to prom with Dwight instead of me, likes some guy named Rob who is out to get laid, and she still calls and is all "i love him more than myself" over kiel. so im basically iggying notions of her till she stopps... and she prolly wont... so she loses out. now, as iv said prolly a hundred tymes in the old diary, if you like me, your gonna havta tell me! and if you wanna be g/f, yeah, agin, i kinda need to kno. Guys are dense, and i think i prolly could'a had a few g/fs from highschool if i hadnt bein dumb. i just get the feeling that someone will be reading this thinking "i wasnt mentioned... oh why cant he love me?" ... yeah, im shit, email me m basically trying to limit this to girl iv seen, IRL, and spent tyme with alot.. ya kno?? .... so now to outline the new plan. Basically, ill jus do what -I- want. say what i feel, and stop giving a damn about chickage. cuz see, thats wahat really works. girls dont want actually attention, cuz if they did, id have jill, or at least 10 other g/fs ot brag about... so yeah... ill be 'me' .... and i think im actually pretty lame. i dunno, youll see! IM me.. it was funny, cuz dwight was reading over my shoulder today, and whenever id be rude, he'd be "your such an asshole" .. and id say "well, it works?" so yeah... my point, i stop caring so much about what other ppl think, and jus kinda go whatever the moment strike me... heheh .... ill do what i fancy *sticks out tongue* im talking to Lauren on AIM right now... and, indirectly, she confirmd my thoughts... vulpineblaze: Lauren, i hav this crazy idea.... its actually kinda funny tho.... SpaceyKritter: what's that? vulpineblaze: IF you were me, in my position, and you wanted to get you *lauren* to like yourself *me* .... how would you go about doing it? SpaceyKritter: are we actually talking about me? SpaceyKritter: as lauren vulpineblaze: yes, like a near-fer-reals thing SpaceyKritter: I'd give up. Jon, I don't want to go back with you vulpineblaze: :-P but what if you wannted to go out with yourself still? would you jus give up that easily? SpaceyKritter: yeah, actually SpaceyKritter: I gave up on Kaleb SpaceyKritter: never started trying actually vulpineblaze: well yeah, but your lucky enouigh to be heartless.. you dont need anyone else. I havnt bein gifted like that SpaceyKritter: lol, did you just call me heartless? SpaceyKritter: why DO you need someone? SpaceyKritter: just leave them be til you find someone who likes you for you! SpaceyKritter: stop trying to mess with fate. vulpineblaze: fate started it :-P SpaceyKritter: I'm kinda serious about that, a lot of girls seem to be attracted to guys who don't actually look every second for a relationship vulpineblaze: and yes, i calld you heartless; and, i dont kno why i need someone else.. i jus get all sad n cry'y when i dont think someone else likes me SpaceyKritter: it's like when you're dating someone, all the sudden girls seem to like you more. vulpineblaze: yeah, i kno SpaceyKritter: it's cuz you're not scaring them! SpaceyKritter: ur not trying to get them to be with you! vulpineblaze: *smiles* thank you... oh, and you did answer my question ;-) altho since you kno, it prolly wont work now vulpineblaze: your loss SpaceyKritter: :-) SpaceyKritter: if you didn't try to be more than a friend with me, I'd become your friend SpaceyKritter: I still don't want you back. SpaceyKritter: friends is fine with me vulpineblaze: i kno... :-) SpaceyKritter: *sigh* SpaceyKritter: it's even less attractive when you go after multiple girls at once vulpineblaze: i kno :-) SpaceyKritter: yet you still do.. SpaceyKritter: and seem proud vulpineblaze: but its mor eeffective SpaceyKritter: HAH! SpaceyKritter: that is the crappiest thing I've ever heard SpaceyKritter: you sicken me vulpineblaze: :-P its true SpaceyKritter: yes, which is why you sicken me ...... am i odd to find that amusing *ack!* i just realized... this is prolly sounding alot like Laurens diary!! Eeep! ... all i havta do now it mentioned some atricle that prove how rich i am *like my 107 episodes of Inu Yasha* and remark on who iv hurt today *jon.. *ahemm* ...laura* ... and what else... oh, something hasta make me either type *giggle* or Kawaii ... *shudders* i hate Kawaii. i hate that word SOOO much... GRR!!! so yeah... im emulating Lauren alot, mainly because she can hav so many awful things happening around her, and be totally un-phased. "what jon, you like me and i jus crushed you? .. damn, sux to be you... and if you werent so awful, id bother with you enough to keep going :) " - "oh, and you sicken me.. lets be jus friends, k?" *giggles* ... she by far the funnest person to get hurt by... like, christina, or lacey, or jill, or pretty much anyone else.. id be all sad *maby even tears* over the things she says.... but instead, im smiling :) i tihnk it might be Anton LeVey's fault... he wrote 'the satanists bible' ... most of it is near-exact to the real bibles message of love and how to heal the world... and then instead of relavelations and old-testament, they hav the "if you wanna, do it; if someone is nice, you be nicer; if someone is rude, you be ruder" section... and some magic-stuffies... and interesting book... so iv taken his advice... see, if someones mean, im mean... and if someone is nice, ill be nice. simple equation. and it works.. awesomely. ........... i wanna end this, but i need to kinda wrap-it-up... IM me, and if your nice, ill be nice. And if your really cool too, ill be nicer. most ppl dont IM me with the intent to be mean.. and if someone wants to, they can try, and ill either put you in your place, or jus block you.. :) *huggles* -0ut
Another spring, 2012 - 2012-04-28
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